Teenagers: The Eye Rolls, the Silence, and the Gold in Between

Advice in the Mess — Post 2

That Teenage Silence? It’s Not What You Think

There’s a special kind of silence that only a teenager can bring.
Not peaceful. Not quiet.
Heavy eyerolls. Loud in a weird, invisible way.

It used to be tantrums and a million questions.
Now it’s side-eyes, slammed doors, and the classic “you just don’t get it.”

And sometimes? They’re right. I don’t.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

✨ Teenagers still want connection — they just don’t always know how to ask for it anymore.

Real Life from the Middle of the Mess

A mom shared her story with me once.

Her daughter? Loved anime, astrology, and disappearing into her hoodie.
She journaled in the dark and dyed her hair with no warning.
The mom? Podcasts, planners, protein smoothies. Total opposites.

Every convo felt like a flop.
One-word answers. Shrugs. Silence.
One night, the mom stopped trying to talk. She just sat with her daughter while she watched her favorite show.

No lectures. No deep questions. Just… presence.

Her daughter glanced at her and said:

“You don’t get it… but thanks for sitting with me.”

That was it. A crack in the wall. A sliver of connection. A seed planted.

What Actually Works?

✔ Be the constant.
Let your presence feel like home — no matter their mood.

✔ Listen more than you lecture.
Seriously. It’s hard. But it works.

✔ Apologize when you need to.
Perfection isn’t the goal. Repair is.

✔ Step into their world.
Even if you don’t understand it. (Especially then.)

📣 Try Asking These:

Sprinkle these into your car rides, late-night snacks, or casual hangs:

“What’s something that made you laugh this week?”
“What would your ‘life playlist’ sound like right now?”
“What do you wish adults actually understood about teens today?”
“If your feelings were a weather forecast today, what would they be?”
“What’s something you’re proud of that no one sees?”

Not every question will land. That’s okay.
The point isn’t answers. It’s inviting them to feel seen.

If You’re in the Thick of It…

Sometimes, the silence feels louder than words. Connection is still possible, even in the eye rolls and closed doors. The truth is, teenagers want to be known, even when they act like they don’t. Asking creative, low-pressure questions like “What song would be your life’s theme?” or “What’s something you’ve never told me but think I should know?” can open doors you didn’t even know were closed. For us, the song question was a game-changer. It broke the ice. It sparked a whole conversation. It also led to some unexpected belly laughs. It reminded me: we don’t need perfect moments — just intentional ones. Keep trying. Keep showing up. You’re doing better than you think. ❤️