Advice in the Mess #6
Welcome to the final post in the Advice in the Mess series.
Let’s cut to it: I’m not just raising a child. I’m raising someone’s future coworker, leader, friend, spouse, maybe even someone’s parent.
That’s a wild thought when you’re staring at a messy room. It’s also wild when dealing with a teen who thinks they know everything because TikTok told them so. But when I zoom out and look at the bigger picture, I realize—I’m not raising a kid. I’m raising an adult. And I want her to be a good one.
Not a perfect one.
Not a people-pleaser.
Not someone who fears mistakes.
But a human who owns their choices. They recover from setbacks. They show up in the world with courage and kindness.
So how do I do that?
Some days, with grace. Other days, with grit. Most days, with a little bit of both.
But here’s what I am doing with intention: teaching lessons that will last longer than my house rules. These aren’t just parenting wins. They’re life skills in disguise.
💡5 Lessons I’m Teaching Now That Will Matter Later:
1. Actions Have Consequences.
I don’t swoop in to fix every mistake. If you didn’t do the chore, you lose a privilege. If you didn’t study, you feel the result. Real life isn’t about avoiding consequences—it’s about learning from them.
2. You Don’t Have to Like the Rules to Respect Them.
You don’t have to be happy about curfew or screen limits—but you do have to follow them. Why? Because respect doesn’t require agreement. It requires maturity.
3. Time Management Is Freedom.
I got tired of the constant reminders—so I built her a weekly checklist with deadlines and consequences. It actually worked. She has more freedom now because she’s owning her time. And we argue less. Win-win.
4. Emotions Are Valid, But Not Always in Charge.
As someone who’s never been big on feelings, this one’s new for me. But I’m working on it. We talk about emotions openly. I also remind her: just because you feel it doesn’t mean it’s true. It also doesn’t mean it gets to run the show.
5. No One Gets Life Right Alone.
This one’s a biggie. I’m showing her that having a strong circle matters. That includes me, her stepdad (who’s been a huge factor in shaping structure and accountability), and other trusted adults. He sees things I don’t—and even when we disagree, I’ve learned so much from his perspective. Having his voice in the mix is shaping her understanding of what healthy adult relationships look like.
Real Talk
Look, I’m learning all of this as I write this blog. I’m not speaking from a mountaintop. I’m speaking from the laundry pile and the to-do list. I’m also speaking from the everyday mess of parenting with intention. My teen doesn’t always see the why behind the what, and sometimes she gets frustrated with me constantly reminding her.
But instead of nagging, I gave her structure. A checklist. A consequence list. And guess what? It’s working. Not flawlessly, but faithfully.
Because at the end of the day, I’m not just trying to survive parenting.
I’m trying to send a strong, kind, capable adult into the world.
Before You Go
If you’ve missed any of the Advice in the Mess series, take a moment to catch up. We’ve covered the real stuff: snapping and making it right. We discussed raising while healing. We also explored how to actually connect instead of just correct.
💬 What lessons are YOU teaching your kids that will matter most later? Share in the comments or DM me—I’d love to include your wisdom in a future post.
💛 Thank You
Thank you for walking this journey with me. It’s been through the honest mess, the little victories, and the heart behind every parenting moment we’ve shared. Whether you’re raising toddlers or teens, healing or hustling, I see you. And I’m so glad we’re doing this together.
I hope to catch you in our next series.
#AdviceInTheMess #UniquelyMixed #RaisingFutureAdultsNotKids
Uniquely Mixed 