Being pregnant with my third baby has me thinking about friendship. I’ve got my husband, my best friend, my mom, and family on both sides who show up for me. And somehow, I still find myself thinking, It’d be nice to have somebody call me and say, “Hey, you got a minute?” Sometimes I want to talk about real life. Sometimes I just want to tell somebody something funny before I forget it.
I’ve moved around a lot, and I know I take my time getting close to people. But once I care about you, I remember stuff. I’ll text you on your kid’s birthday, even if that kid has no idea who I am. I’ll come to a game when I can. You tell me about something you’re excited about, and I’m probably gonna ask you how it went.
And after a while, I started noticing who asks me how things went. Who checks in when one of my kids has a big day. Who gets back to me when I say, “Hey, would you read this thing I wrote?” I’ve had messages sit there after asking for a little support. I used to shrug it off, but when it keeps happening with the same people, I think it’s fair to ask myself how close we actually are.
I’ve also caught myself thinking, I should reach out to them, and then going on about my day. So I know how easy it is to think about somebody and never tell them. I guess that’s part of why I wanted to get this off my chest. A quick “How’d it go?” can mean a whole lot when somebody remembers to ask.
I’ll probably still send the birthday text. I like being that person. I’m also paying more attention to who reaches back, checks in, and takes an interest in my family.
Writing this has made me curious how other people experience friendship as adults. Have you ever realized you were the one keeping certain friendships going? What changed when you noticed?
